Simple rules

      Here I am on my plane back home. Missing my family and friends, but so grateful for having them in my life. Two weeks of my home visit went passed too quickly. Every year I visit my parents, I could see they are getting older each year from their faces and walking. Energizer ads like nieces and nephew were even more lovely and out of control. Piled up works and home madnesses are on my sister's face, but still happy being mom. Meeting familiar faces every day led the time to disappear in front of me without noticing. I had a plan how to consume more than 12 hours of time for the flight. I brought a book for this trip. I could’ve finished it already on the trip. But all the laughs and chats with people pushed the book aways from me. So I made myself a promise that I’d finish it on this flight. 

      The plane took off. My lunch had been served. People are watching movies or sleeping. All the lights were dimmed except mine. I've been wanting to know who was the killer in the book. So I was reading Through the jet engine sound. I saw a flight attendant asked an old guy next me to put his backpack up on the overhead compartment. My seat was a front seats. So was his. We didn’t have seats in front of us and those seats aren’t allowed to put bags on the floor or near the seats. He ignored. He simply pretended to put it away and placed it behind his calves. It bothered me that he didn’t follow the SIMPLE instruction. But I ignored it. I went back to reading.

      A bit later the same flight attendant came around and asked him really politely that she’d love to put the bag up for him. And she explained the bag should not be out. But he didn’t want it.     “I have things to pull out later. So I want to put it behind my calves tightly like this(he pointed it out his legs.) It'll be fine. So don't bother me. I am watching this film. “

      That pisses me off. It is a simple task. If the bag was too heavy, I can understand. But it was not. If it was too complicated, I'd also understood what he was trying to do. The rule is rule and he’s not a child. He should know we have to follow these simple rules. The flight attendant might’ve been his daughter’s age if he has one. Can’t he consider how hard her works can be. There are regulations and she’s not telling us that it is for her. It is for all of our safety. Why did he think that her duty is bothering his movie? I really did not understand. So I tapped his arm and told him that it is the rule. If you need something, you can always pull out the bag again. He looked at me for a few seconds. I can tell he’s not happy. But he didn’t say anything and gave up his bag. The flight attendant then put the bag up and thanked me without sound. 

      I could’ve ignored. But it irritated me. We adults often tell kids that they need to follow rules or parents words. Then we behave like worse than children in public. Especially men think they can get away with it. Or we can raise voice and insist on something so little for selfish reasons. We really look out ourselves. I’ve been on many many flights. Men does make troubles more than women. I've seen it many times. How many time we have to point out that it is not okay? How much time do we need to fix?

     There was no more drama. It wasn't really a drama cause it lasted very short time. but I was happy that I expressed. Following simple rules and being nice to a flight attendants really show who you are as a person. It is not a complicated math equation or anything. If there's a rule for our safety, we better follow. I gazed up on hime time to time. Luckily he didn't pull out the bag again. I finished my book and the killer had been caught thankfully. Backside of the plane's two wheels touched the ground. We all arrived in London safely. Thankful for the crews' hard works. 

Makgeolli making

I've always liked making thing by my hands. It doesn't matter it is foods or things that I might use it for my life. Back in the day, when I didn't have internet, not sure how I made things. I vaguely remembered it was mostly from my life experiences. But I am living in the world of information now. 

I am a big fan of Maangchi who is a cook on YouTube. She is a Korean who is living in NYC and I am one of her fan that follows her recipes and making foods at home time to time. She let me try many things that I've never made before. And her simple recipes and fun stories are borderless for many people in the world. 

Her recipes are very much straight forward. It encourages people to make foods at home. But then there are some long term projects. I was blown away when she made soy sauce and Korean soy bean paste called Dwaen-jang. It took a year to complete and she made a 15 minutes long video. If there's some kind of awards then the video is deserving one or two. 

One of her recipe caught my eyes and that is Korean Alcohol Mak-Geol-Li. It takes only 9 days to make and I was curious if I can do it. But the issue is not many place sells a crucial ingredient outside of Korea. But luckily my London shop has it. That is called "Nu-rook" which is starter culture. I grabbed one bag and some rice. Another issue for me to make this is I don't have food dehydrator. So I used oven. On her video, the machine was on 71'C to dry cooked rice. I tried to mimic the oven same way. But the issue is if the oven is not hot enough, then the fan is not going to be on. So that it is just a warm and humid oven. So I turned up the temperature to 150'C. And every 15 minutes I check the rice if it is well dried or burned. The key thing is not to be burned.

Everything went well. It is second day. The content is alive and keep making bubbles. The smell is sour. It is exactly Makgeolli taste but no alcohol in it yet. Hope it goes well and I can enjoy this with my friends.

Oven dried rice. 

Starter culture with dry yeast.

Crushed and water is added.

I made sure it is not sealed tightly. The most important thing is the air should be able to travel through. So I folded kitchen towel and placed it on top of the jar. Then placed the lid on it without tightening it. If I have an Onggi(earthenware pot or Kimchi pot), it has millions of micro pores so that it can breathe through. But I don't have one. Glass jar would do the job.

4 hours later.

Through overnight.

It's alive. Bubbles are popping up.

Visiting Endeavor

Funny thing is I never got into DCI Morse. The video was old and 4:3 format video leaves black stripes on both sides of my TV and the dull resolution made me less interested in the show whereas the DCI Lewis is relatively newer and better in resolutions wise. But <Endeavor> is the one I really got hooked on. The actings, the characters, the music and of course The Oxford are the things that made me wanting to see Oxford so badly. Finally the long waiting is finished.

A beautiful May, Jo, a friend of mine invited me and other friends to Oxford and have dinner at her college together. I didn't plan on or wish for a perfect weather since English weather is so unpredictable. But it was a greatly blue and refreshingly clear day. Everything was super clear and nostalgic at the same time  whether it was on top of the church of St. Mary The Virgin or along the river where many young students who were rowing vigorously. I've never been here before. Yet it feels so familiar. This small murderous city already became my favorite place. 

Often,  we get a bit disappointed when we see somethings that really wanted to see in person. The David Letterman show theater was so small when I had a chance to be an audience, but somehow on TV it looked a lot bigger. How strange that I felt at the time. However Oxford wasn't the case. It was as beautiful as I saw it on TV. The brides Head was grand. Walking along the peaceful river was pure joy. Attending Sunday supper at Jo's college was like if I was in Harry Potter movie without floating candles and magics. Jo was about seven months pregnant. She led us to everywhere possible, even more energetic than us. That day, I walked about 25,000 steps. Great sightseeing and workout at the same time. 

There are so many places I want to see in person. Foyle's Hastings, Sydney's Grantchester and Mathias' Aberystwyth. One step at a time. 

Thoughts on gear

Probably the brand new Canon EOS 5D Mark IV is the hot potato that everyone is talking these days. And I've seen so many disappointed voices, especially from videographers. I understand that 5D Mark II was a deal breaker for them and they are so hoped that the fourth iteration would be somewhat close to Sony A7rII or A7sII. 

I am not a videographer. So I don't care much about the video side of functions on this camera. I always wished they should release two models and one for more photographers oriented and the other one for more videographers oriented. So person like me can choose more photo dedicated 5D and probably okay with HD 30p is good enough or even no video function at all. 

Canon has their cinema line of cameras and they might not want to interrupt its sales from other side of lines. But blaming on Canon being safe play and the amount of new stuff they bring to our table is not enough are over judged in my opinion. 5D Mark IV will be a solid and powerful tool for many photographers and videographers.

Sony too often releases new cameras and none of them seem to me well cooked. RX 1R II is without 5 AXIS IBIS. And it is way more expensive than what people were hoping for. They sure is up on their sensor technology. But they still didn't figure it out how to make their cameras to be not overheated or good battery life. I believe second generation A7 cameras are amazingly good. But still to me it is not good enough me to jump from my canon 5D Mark III to their side. I wish A7RII was bigger and bigger grip and better battery life. And wish it has a touch screen. Also hope the IBIS is better than what they are selling for(of course it is still better than none and it is useful when it comes to low shutter speeds). And recent complaints about their pro services are also my concern. If it is less than $1,000, I might cope with that. But it is my working tool and when it has issues then I want the company to take care of it as much as it worth.

5D Mark IV will be always bigger than the A7s. And heavier. Maybe the video functions are not as good as Sonys. But I am still not ready to jump on to Sony. I still like my 5D. It is reliable. It feels like a tank and feels good on my hands too. The lenses I own are pretty good, so I don't need any adapters to use(except EOS M3). I still think prefer Canon's AF is way more than the Sony's. That is why I might move on to 5D Mark IV instead of the Sony Alphas. Can't wait until I try the brand new 5D Mark IV with my own hands.

Don't Bro Me

One thing I still don't get used to hear from people is the word "Bro". Often, too often boys in Delhi call me bro. I always felt that I am not their bro. And I wanted to tell them if I get to know you a bit more and so I would like to become your friend then I don't mind to hear it from them. But it is not my choice. I still hear it all the time. 

There was a young boy who used to called me "Hey Bro" all the time. He was nineteen that time. For him to call me Bro is very ridiculous. Cause I am almost his father's age and of course I didn't know him that much. I even asked him to not use the word and simply call my name. But it never happened. We are disconnected for almost more than two years now. I don't miss him calling me a bro. But I do wonder he either became a Bollywood actor or not(He said that was his dream).

To think of that kind of friendly word is not only that. There is a word "Man" and "Buddy". I do feel that even if you don't use that word, I get it you and I are men. I don't want to criticise it too much. It is just a friendly way of talking. But in some way, I do feel that it is over used and it supposed to make everyone close but not that close(at least for me, some what shallow felling, like a bro hug) and more of shallow relationships(I get to hear the words in my gym everyday.

Maybe I am too shy(not really) or too conservative on this matter. But when I look at my close friends, they never use that word "Bro". We don't need the word. We already know each other well and our name is good enough to call each other. Even we often say "Love" to each other from our true friendships.

I still don't know what made them to use the word so often and so easy. Probably I'd never know. Cause I will never use the word. But someday I might ask them. "Bro, Buddy, Man and Bhaiya", why? Also I might suggest them that they could use it after we get to know better for this uptight Korean guy. But how about we introduce ourselves and share names and call our proud names so that we don't need to label bro(god knows how many bros they have in every places) for each other. So please don't bro me.

Dilip

When I'm in love, I see those admirably beautiful and lovely eyes.  Of course I see them time to time through my friends' eyes around my life too. And I know I want to see them all the time. This time I saw a bit different kind of twinkly eyes on my trip to Rampur, Utta Pradesh, India.

Dilip. He's just 8 years old this year. As we all did, he also was excited to go to school. When going to school wasn't an option for his town people, it must have been just a dream of some sort of mirage on a desert that will never gonna be happen in their life. But now it is possible and he actually goes to school. Well, not all the time.

The reality. Not the good kind. He has to face and realize that even he is in one room with his classmates together, he can't be same as them. Because he is untouchable, low Caste, often he sit all the way back in the row and had to clean school toilets when his teacher force him to do. Then his classmates told him that he can't play with them.

The opportunity to learn is there. But yet tons of issues are there them to face every day. If you are strong enough by yourself and determine, then you may can finish your education by the end of whatever. But the theory is just ideal. In real life that is rare. I am not sure how long Dilip will be going to school. Is he gonna quit? Is he gonna be dropout? Never know.

But I hope he would finish it all the way. He didn't go to the school the day I visited his school. That's why he got shy and tried to runaway from me and my colleague. But he was still a bight kid with those big sparkly eyes. I know he would go and learn more. That is all I can believe. I still can trace his starry eyes and shy hands that are holding his school books. Even I spoke Hindi zero, his eyes and smile told me thousands of stories to my lens. I'll be missing you, Dilip.

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First Spring

Never thought Delhi would have a Spring time. It's not just clearly we can see. But when you see some details, there are many changes among the higher temperature. I was surprised at some of trees at Deer Park actually changes and grew new leaves. It's not just some cool Indian youngsters wearing lighter cloths and being more fashionable. The sun is warmer and the air is fresher besides a guy's wide open shirts that shows his chest hair.

Picnicking crowds are another scene proofs. And I realized that more young couples are there for their love and smooching in the park. And there was me. carrying the camera and trying to catch some Spring moment. It was pleasant and nice. All of a sudden I was so happy that I have this park near home. So that I can be serene and peaceful from the chaotic roads. All the deers are my favorite. But today I was so lucky that a Peacock opened his feathers to his disable love mate. That was Fantastic. My steps were lighter than before cause I was thinking that I can see more often now and then.

Canon EF 70-200mm F2.8L Test shots

Finally I got my glass on my hand and tested it. So far it seems so amazing.

Invitation

   Having a small party with friends is such a joy. I get excited when I prepare those parties. Through living in my 8 years of abroad life, I became quite a cook. I only used to cook Korean dishes. But now my cooking spectum is expended to other cuisines. Anyone would know the feeling as same as I do when guests are having a great time with your foods and hosting. And that is all about the small parties.

   I thought I am well prepared by now. I've thrown many dinner parties and afternoon tea parties. I was so happy finally got friendly with oven to bake sweets. So I was so ready that my stuff came to India and settle down in my own apartment. Cause I can do those parties again. So far it had been great. Good people and good times with them. But some way I have yet to learn more how to throw a party.

   I have some Indian friends before I came to India. I met them in Shanghai and we are still keeping in touch each others. I thought I knew how to serve dinner for them. But real India, the India that I am living is a lot more diverse than my thought. My excited hands were chopping onions and hot chillies. And making pancakes on two stoves. Then I start to grill 'Sam-gyob-sal' (means Pork belly) on a grill pan. As the guests came to my home, everyone was happy and excited about the house and the smell of home cooking.

   How stupid I am. I didn't realized that there are vegetarians and India is a sort of headquarter of vegetarians. Of course there are vegetable dishes I made. But the appetizer soup was Kimchi Pork soup. I spent almost half of day to make the broth to be rich and the meat and Kimchi to be softened. So two of the guests could not eat the soup. One was a vegetarian and the other doesn't eat pork. Big sweat on my forehead invisibly. I just assumed that no beef is the safe choice for Indians. Luckily there were some vegetable dishes on the table and we had a great time, honestly.

   So I thought once was a small mistake by my ignorance and it would not happen again for next time. My mistake starts from I assume I got this one. I made a perfect one this time. I've seen her eating meat. So I'm fine today. But unfortunately she only eats chicken. No pork, no beef or fish. Here I am. I blew it again.

   Then last weekend, I invited some friends(different small group). I've had them before and I thought I am 100% sure I am safe on this time. They are all Indian Americans and They were here before. I made Korean rice cake soup. This is a tradition for Korean people eat on a New Year day morning. I made vegetarian broth and separated toppings like chopped scallions, thin strips of pan fried eggs, chopped Kimchi and soy sauce based grilled beef. and 2/3 of pancakes were vegetarian as well. Now I got this for sure. I was convinced that I made it perfect this time. I asked lightly to one girl that had pork at my table last time. "You are okay with beef, right?" Of course she doesn't eat beef. So none of them eat beef. I blew it again. Well the main course was easily vegetarian so everyone had their gigantic dishes. But I'm not yet there to be a perfect host.

   It's always good to check check the preferences. What they don't eat from allergies to customs and traditions. If I ever only lived in Korea, I'd never learn these stuff. Yet there are too many things to learn. All of a sudden I thought of a small story from Aesop's fables. A fox and a crane invites each others and they quite didn't get the concept of welcoming their guest to a dinner table. How did I miss that. I guess I am learning these little by little by my own mistakes.

   I think I'm ready now. Simple rule! Ask them first. And jump in to cooking. Who knows I prepared vegetarian meals and someone might say I don't eat mushrooms and I put mushrooms in every dishes. Knock on wood. I'll do my best.

Bad Drivers

   There are things that I can not get used to it. That is the bad drivers. Which there are plenty of them in Delhi. Bad traffic caused by many reasons and it effects to everyone's soul in every day. But if they realize that it is caused by themselves and if they are willing to change it then it may get better. Honestly I think there's no hope for this in near future.

   Delhi has its distinguish layouts of roads design. It was built by British and that era didn't had to deal with this much of vehicles. There are so many rotaries and it joins with five or six  roads together all at once. And there's no way to build a traffic sign for those areas. Of course one way streets are another problems. But still it can be better than this. Recently people can afford cars and number of cars are getting higher and higher. People need cars for modern day life in Delhi and there are many choices out there. But the drivers don't have much of patience and understanding what is compromise. And they are honking all the time. Even it is clear that there is no way the cars in front of you can't move at all for some reasons and the honking seems to be the perfect solution for them. It doesn't make sense to me. And literally when you are out on the road, it's impossible not to hear a single honking sound over 30 seconds.

   No one seems to understand what is a concept of lanes and no one follows it. If you want to turn left, then you have to be on the left side of the road. But most of drivers don't follow lanes, so they are all like tangled. So some cars are trying to turn left from all the way from their right side. And that is not just couple of cars. Too many motorcycles and tuktuks are another stories. Those are still big methods to live daily life for Delhi people. But they are a huge mess honestly.

   I wish there are some solutions for those bad drivers to act better on the streets and make them realize that the back side of their cars have their faces reflected. Following lanes, not to use horn too much, letting people go first when they cross, don't fight for 'me first' and let others go first and drive slower. Someday it'll get better. My colleague, she said sometimes she just want to drive normally and listening nice music and feel calm, then she sighed. Still female drivers are threatened by rough male drivers out on the street. Hope soon everyone feel comfortable to drive out on the street or walk pleasantly on a side road(if there is one) . 

Please live, Punita

   There are many moments that let us down in our lives. We live through conquering  those afflictions barely. "Sweet after bitter". It's not the most persuasive words when we are in the middle of difficulties. But we all may agree that we grow up through the process of it. However, what if there is no any hope or we can't do anything about it. Then how are we suppose to live our lives?

   In Karmalahang, India, Punita's life was like that. Her husband is one of the rapist of the bus rape in Delhi. After he got arrested, not even a penny came into her house. Bihar is well known for it's poverty in India. And Karmalahang is a small town in Bihar. Twenty four year old Punita married to Akshay and with two year old son living in this town without electricity and many convenient things we live with. She is still too young to be face this kind of tragedy. And no one knows what is going to be in her future.

   In this region, when women marry to men, They can not go out nor work outside for years without men's guidance. And they have to follow the in-law's rule strictly. Also showing their face to neighbors is prohibited. Well obeying of discipline is such an honor of the house. If someone kills their family member due to a dishonor of their family seems often fine considerably in this country(Although a murder is still a murder and must go to jail. But the murderer might say that do it again proudly) There are not much of opportunity for women to learn enough at school. Most of them have to quit in the middle for many reasons. And the reality is that they have to get marry in early age and sacrifice their entire life for the marriage.

   The rapist and murderer husband got death sentence more than a week ago. There is a zero chance that he can come back to her arms ever again. From his horrific crime, the victim, a young girl's life and future is gone and ruined her family's life. And that rose many candles to tribute the broken soul. Sinner's wife, Punita shrugged her back in front of her deep dark future. She can not go back to her parents house. Their situation is not much different than her in-law's. They live their life day by day and indigence is a normal thing and often many farmers kill themselves, because of hunger and poorness. The money that her husband sent was for her son's medicines and for their life. But it's no longer coming in. Even if she run away to somewhere, what can she do? The world out there is not friendly for her and not many options for her to survive with her son. She hung her head down after she said that there are no hopes and I may kill myself and that might be the only way.

   Punita's mother was weeping sadly. She said it's all her fault and she must have some bad karma. She cried out loud and that's why Punita can't live happy life. Her face was covered with tears and the sari that cover her head was wet with tears. Her town people were consoled her with love. But what words can comfort her? It's every mother's hearts that feel  pain like torn heart.

   Do we know what it is like to live a life without hope? An orphan boy who became a sensational opera singer through selling gums in his horrible life is not gonna happen in this small town. Everywhere around is rough rice fields that seems endless and she can't drive, no money, no education. What can twenty four year old woman do and where can she go? Her tears, her mother's tears were spearing my heart.

   I couldn't raise my head in front of their heart aching life and all women's life in this world. I felt so shameful that our mothers, sister and daughters have to live in this cruel machismo world. Someone might say It's almost better now. But do men understand completely what's like to live as a woman? Then that'd be a lie(especially in Asia I'm from). There was the time people say that daughters don't need to go to school and had to go to work in the factories(still there are countries like that). Every sons need to go to colleges. That was our mothers and that was our women. I want to send a big applause to our women.

   Punita's drooping shoulders and long sighs were filled my heart heavily while I was passing by a narrow country road. I want to encourage her and tell her that conquer this hurdles. But those words don't have any power for her tragedy. We all found comfort at home after a long day work. But there's no such a place for Punita. The place she is living is full of in-laws family and she has to live without her husband in it. Devi. Indian word, means Goddess. Most of Indian women get this sir name after they get married. But their lives are no near close to Goddess like. I really wish only men who treats their women like Goddess are deserve to have their Goddess wives. There are many hands trying to reach to help Punita after the story came out to the newspaper. Such thankful hands, warm hearts. She will be happy, definitely for a while. When this helping hands are gone, her life will hashing her everyday again. Living with those tradition and custom that doesn't fit for the current life will put her future in a lock and she'll drops her head again towards to her uncertain tomorrow.

   Please live, Punita. If you can't, then live for your son at least. We all pray for you. One thing sure is that you are gonna get strong after you go over this hardship. Then you'll realize that you are much stronger than you think. Live. Please live, Punita. Show your strength to those things that made you suffer. Flower of India, jewel of India, Punitas of India, live. Please live, don't give up.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887324665604579081240828710138.html?mod=WSJINDIA_hpp_LEFTTopStories

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Lost translation

   If I have some ability, I wish that is I can speak all different languages. I was surrounded by a small town people and they were so nice and sweet. Especially kids were wonderful. They all seemed loved me and followed me. Probably they were so interested in my camera but not brave enough to ask a photo. When I have a chance to take them, either they runaway or get those shy and uncomfortable smiles.  

   There was a very quiet kid.  He was very nice to me. He offered me a chair to sit when I was standing while two other reporters were interviewing people. There was a moment that he asked me something and I totally didn't know what to say to him. Cause I couldn't understand his words. All I could say was "Sorry, I can't speak Hindi." I'm so regretted myself I didn't even try hard enough to make some more conversation and gave it up. My English is useless in here. No one speaks English. Rushing work and have to catch up my flight back in Rachi which means another 4 or 5 hours driving from here. That was my excuse and lack of my enthusiasm to getting to know him was hidden all the way back side of my head.

   Regrets are useless. beautiful farm fields are passing through my sight quickly and my mind was full of imaginations of what the boy was talking. There's no record of his words and it can never be remembered or translated. So I just interpreted myself in my own ways.

   Where are you from? Are you a photographer?  I wish I have a camera like that. Can we be friends? Do you like Indian foods? What is it like your hometown? Thanks for coming to our town. Thanks for the photos ...

   I'm from Korea and yes, I'm a photographer. Someday you'll have a better one than mine. I do love Indian food. I wish I had time for sharing food with you. My hometown is far away from here it's hard to say in small words. Though it's a good place and my friend and family lives there. So sorry I was helpless and. Even though I didn't understand your word, it was a beautiful conversation with you. I'll try to send you these pictures to you. hope you like them. Thanks for letting me get to know you. When can I see you again? I can probably teach you photos... 

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Rider

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Hipster boys

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Listening from elders

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Quiet kid

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A man with his precious cow

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Brothers

Beautiful

   Delhi was a lot different place than my imagination. It didn't make me to feel it's a city or country enough. I can't say no if I didn't disappoint. But I know it is my own selfish mind that I put Delhi in my own definition. It was like same thing I did on China. I had this huge expectation from the last scene from the movie The Last Emperor. It was my fault and I should know better at this time.

   In the middle of nowhere of thousands of kilometers away from Delhi, small tea house on the road and a small town I visit, finally I met the India I drew on my mind. I was an alien to them. I look different to them and cloths I wearing and my language are also unfamiliar to them. They were wearing full of curiosities, sweetest shyness and priceless kindnesses. They were all so beautiful through my viewfinder and my heart. Middle age tea guy with a huge scar on his belly was smiling through making his meticulous tea making. While I was having the tea, two old man came to me asked a photo of them to take. I don't know how often those two old men take photos. They approached me and I could understand what they were asking without any translations. The minute I raised my camera, they became frozen turkey on the pose and the face, even the air around them. It seemed so sweet. Probably chance of taking photos are so rare to them. I wanted to show the photo but they didn't even checked their photo and just left. Probably they didn't even know there's a screen on the camera. I am yet not ready to offer anything to them and feel so sorry to them.  

   I leave their life momentarily from my short visit. And it's like a small peaceful water in a paddle and I was the one jumped in and made it muddy. My apologetic smile was all over my face while I was watching through all the photos. I used to think that I'd be so happy if I have this one and if I get that one, my life would be a lot nicer. But it never made me satisfy and just led me to another unnecessary needs. 1980's through my childhood, my mom made reddish soup Kimchi all the time. That was the only thing that we could eat with poor quality steamed rice. I was unhappy all the time. I was angry at my mom why we don't eat meat. After all I spent those times not understanding my mom and desiring other people's lunches and dinners. Now I know she wanted to feed us with all the good things but we couldn't afford. Life was tough. I'm all grew up now and understood what her heart was like. I appreciates my mom. Now I know her foods worth every single spoon full of that soup.

   The Kimchi that summer my mom made was most affecting and thankful one. It still is. The smiles I capture on this journey is most humble and yet precious smiles. Those smiles that people I met on the road gave are still flickering on my eyes like tea stain on my shirt that impossible to remove.

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The boy who sells juice

His work was quick and meticulous. He was squeezing juice for his customers that lined up in front of his small table. I was curious how old the boy is. I'm still not good at guessing Indian people's age. One thing sure is he is too young for what he does. I mean I assume he would be more fit in a classroom and raise hand to the teacher and asks questions. In some way, the way he was looking at somewhere in between his work seems like poetic. I know it's ridiculous to say that is poetic. But somehow I felt his eyes kept some unmeasurable deep feeling.

   I'm sure most of people believe and insist that children should study in their school and anyone who use child labor need to be punished. But my mom and dad also used work for their families. Cause the whole country was poor and they had to support the family first. There is no way they could go to school. I'm sure their parents wanted them to learn and send them collage. But I guess that was not an options for them.

  I wish all children in this country have a chance to learn as I had. But can they? How much of money can he get for a day? I am not that rich either but my heart was aching much cause I have a bit better life than him. At least I was in my school when I was his age. His poverty, life and caste is not my responsibility. And he is not the only one struggling with poverty in this country. Sad but I had to get back to where I belong.

   Inside of my car on the way back, there were so many kids who begged money. It's not one. Literally too many. Someone told me it's nothing compare to Bangladesh. I have to tighten my heart and soul. I still feel sorry for those kids. But the boys meticulous work and sweat were shining like a maestro. And that left me in an odd emotion. Be strong. And when it comes to right moment, I may can give a hand.

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Baby Steps: Nehru Park

   To be honest, I wasn't excited about Delhi. More specifically say I am not sure what I thought about India. So this whole time I was trying to figure it out whether I like being here or not. And yet not clear about it. It wasn't in my mind at all about living in India and all of a sudden the card popped up. I was scared a little bit at first and curious a bit more.

    That led me to stay in the hotel for nearly a week (shamelessly say) since I got here. I decided I should start to see real Delhi as baby steps. So Nehru Park was the perfect place to visit (you know I said baby steps). People might say why Park but I would say that's the way I want to start with. Everyday the traffic outside is enough to make me panic. I don't wanna look at this city with my own standard. But the city seemed so chaotic. Delhi wasn't built by a day and it must have its own personality and charm. So I'm the one need to be fit in. I can't be left behind in front of the whole new city.

    The sun was helped my "baby steps" at the Nehru Park walk. Sky was blue, trees were green and my steps were light. It was ten in the morning. The crowd in the park was also pleasant. Many birds, squirrels and flower everywhere. There is no real India in here. India in my mind besides Tandoori chicken is dynamics of people and its vibrant colors. But today is my baby steps.

   I didn't realized that I was sweating so much. I was so in to take photos of Canna flowers. I needed a nice cup of iced coffee. So I went to Cafe coffee day instead of Starbucks. It's an Indian coffee chain. If I want to try a real India drink, I suppose to try some cold drinks that made from a middle aged man on a street vendor. But baby steps.

   Today's temperature 33'C. I'm still figuring that I like the city or not. One thing sure though is I'm one step closer to like it.

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Nehru Park walk path

Runners

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Dressed up

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Imperfection is perfection

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Funeral

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Nature's art work

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Nehru's owner

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Trees are givers

Adjusting

   It could be wonderful to live where I love to be. Delhi was such an out of blue. Honestly, still I don't feel that I moved to here. Maybe because I still don't have a home yet and didn't start a single daily life routine yet. The place I am staying now is a bit out of the downtown. So I'm making all these excuses not to go out. In fact there's nothing to see out near the hotel.

    But I'll take my camera tomorrow and look for some sight. In some way, my heart is not settled in here yet and I got to be open that wall I made on my heart. Nothing is going wrong and I may think afraid of all the elements of Delhi. The crazy honking and aggressive drivers are making me cray and still afraid of people who wants to sell stuff for me on streets. Probably the book I read on the way to here that says all the bad things happened to the writer and he believed that brought many good lucks aren't yet reliable to me.

   Wake up. And go see the world. If I don't reach my hands to Delhi, Delhi will never come to me.  

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Better than me

Meeting someone better than me is such an honor and lucky to know the person. And it's always good to see myself that I am no better than the person. So that I can discipline my mind that I should learn from the person and should live my life as humble and keep trying to be a better person.

I was so upset about my life when I was in school days. Why am I not having those that my friends have. Those were only material stuff and it doesn't help any good for me to be a better person. I'm sure  the sky blue color Puma ski jacket was nice. But in my small mind was so unhappy. And I made myself I'm the unluckiest guy in my school.

Here I am with my Thai friend Ukrik. He was also poor farmers son. And he had to be a monk to be educated. And then he met my friend. He was working in Thailand and he helped Ukrik's tuition through College. He was in late twenties and I'm sure his salary was that big. But he gave his hand to this poor boy. Now Ukrik is a professor in a college. Teaching students and here we are on our way to picnic. Ukric and I are same age and some way he seems a lot more grown up. Surrounded by these admirable friends is such an amazing moment. 

The whole picnic was humble and fun. As a Thai person, he and his wife wouldn't allow us to eat ridiculous priced Thai food. We enjoyed genuinely beautiful food all together and visited historical site near Bangkok city. Time was ticking fast and the time we got had to be end this time.

Always joyful time with them and want to see them more often. But we all need to get back to our own lives. Our next time will be better and funner. That I know well.   

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Wash it off

The first day I arrived in Delhi was black dark night. Everything was hidden behind of darkness. But the airport was enough to show me what it's like to be in India. It's struggling with its people. So the airport is not letting anyone to be in at the arrival.  I know they want to make sure the new airport is not filled with homeless people and all other people from different reasons to be there.

Some say India is the most vibrant and amazing place on earth and it should be the last place to visit. I haven't found a proof of that. But soon I will find out. But it seems that I may not agree with that. Cause of equality of human being and miss treating of low caste people. Sure, every human society have its own value of human being. But it seems that obvious divided class system is doing any justice for being equal. Some day I may feel so happy about meeting so many kinds of people that are so amazing. But some day I may encounter the moment that makes me angry and disgust by those situations.

I should not scared of this already. It'll be day by day learning thing. Although in front of a supermarket show window says "Happy to see you" sign and two bagger ladies in front of the store are such an irony. Should I better get used to it or give my hands to them every time? I didn't cause their poverty. But some way it is such a heart breaking and cultural shock. I want to ask those people who says India is amazing. What is so amazing?

I want to know and I want to see. The old man I met who was wearing turban and treating the house help and others like shit was enough not to agree with that. I'm sure that kind of people are  everywhere. But not in that obvious first moment. Afternoon rain shower made everybody busy. Rain drops on the car window should wash away this kind of questions and paradox. Hope tomorrow will be better.

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Ciabatta bread

      I have tried many sweet stuff and I was lucky that everything came out well indeed. But one thing I never tried was breads. I don't know why. Maybe the fact that I have to add yeast made me freak out a little bit.   

       Thanks for Chef John from Foodwishes.com. Whenever I feel I need to learn a new recipe, he gave me so many good things. This time I tried Ciabatta bread. And I realized that baking bread isn't that difficult. Here are the process and the result.

Ingredients: All purpose flower 4 cups, yeast 1/4 ts, salt 1/2 ts, warm water 2 cups, extra flowers.

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Mix all the contents well and cover the bowl then rest it for 18 hours in room temperature

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Place the dough on a baking mat and add flours and make a shape

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Put some olive oil on the surface of the pan and add flours or corn mill. 

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Place the dough on the pan and add flours on the top of the dough

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215'C preheated oven and bake for 35 minutes.  

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Let's try it when it's still hot. With Olive oil or butter, your choice. 

Mom's dish

   "Why don't you do the dishes?", " Pack your lunch yourself. Foods are in the kitchen.", "Could you prepare dinner for me?" These were my not favorite moments when I was a child. I totally didn't wanna reveal myself in our kitchen and doing the dishes to my friends. But who would've thought that my mom's favors became my initial manure for my late twenties as a single man's life in a tiny studio apartment. It had been my grudge for her. But now it is my appreciation. Whenever I miss Korean food, I can at least mimic her taste. I know it is not the same. but I can fumble for the memories with full of thankfulness.

   A sizzling ​chicken dish for tonight is a catalyzer for mixing my thoughts. My cooking isn't so bad. All of my friends have tolerance that they eat as much as they can when I cook for them. I cook for myself tonight. But I should invite them soon and throw dinner for them. It's not as good as my mom's. For my friends, for myself and for the appreciation to my mom

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The red chicken dish I made

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